i wish...

Well it's been an interesting 24hours for me...

I've felt a range of emotions over a range of different circumstances. My sister Abbey got home last night. She has been in Kenya for the last two weeks. (She arrived home to Canada on Saturday, but then stayed a couple days down south - so she arrive HOME last night). So i was very excited to have her home, and to hear about her trip, at least a little bit - she was tired. She also brought me some letters and things from Julius, so that was really special. So i was super excited, and just happy to have her home, and to hear how people are over there, and to hear about people i know, and places i'm familar with and things i miss. it's sort of a bitter-sweet thing for me when i talk about Africa, more specifically, Kenya. i LOVE to talk about it, because i just love it there. it's so different but it's like my second home. But of course it's bitter-sweet since i miss it, and more than missing the place itself, i miss the people, and more than the people, i miss a person incredibley. So i was excited,happy, sad, nostalgic....i'm really happy that some of my family was able to go over for a visit. It feels like part of me was there in a way.

So then today - i obviously have Africa on the brain...(which is pretty much the usual, but today it's a little more intense then some days)...and i've been thinking about people, my friends there...and just remembering the good times, hoping that they are doing well. unfortunately, earlier today i got an upsetting email. A very good friend of mine, Christa (she was my roomate while i lived in Kenya and is like the older sis i never had)....is dealing with some hard news. I actually didn't hear from her yet, but from another friend. Christa used to teach in one of the slum school's in Nairobi, and she still keeps in touch with several of her students from there. (She now teaches at another school, but still lives in Nairobi.) The last year or so she has really been trying to help out one family. One of her students, Esther, had a very sick mother, among other problems and hardships that come with living in the slums, and in their situation. Her mother needed heart surgery i she wasn't going to live much longer. Christa really felt compelled to help this family, and so she contacted everyone she knew, asking for prayers and financial donations in attempts to raise enough funds for this women to be able to go for sugery. After several months of fundraising and really pouring a lot of herself into this project, Christa and all her supporters raised enough money so that Esther's mom could go for this operation on her heart. God really worked some miracles in raising this money. She went for the surgery, and everything seemed to be going well, she was recovering. That was the last i heard. Until today.

Apparently she came down with some sort of post-surgery infection, and passed away very recently. I am still a little bit in shock. I just don't understand these things at all. it causes me to ask many questions, and just to cry out to God - WHY? Why would you move people and put it on their hearts to give, why would you miraculously raise the money needed, have this women able to get this life-saving surgery, only to die of an infection shortly afterwards? This mother that died, she left behind a family, children, who have nothing. How can you be glorified through this situation i wonder? How will you work this out for good?

So that's sort of where i'm at. I haven't been able to talk to Christa as of yet, but i know she is probably really hurting right now, and very confused as well. Christa is the kind of person that pours her heart into projects. She never gives up, she's extremely determined and movtivated, and this news i know will be crushing after all she went through for this lady and her family.

When i hear about things like this, after i get over my initial WHY'S!!?? - i am only reminded that God is God and i am me. it's that simple. i dont' understand why he allows such things to happen, but i know somehow, some way whether now, or years down the road, he will be glorified through this awful situation. And above all - no matter what happens - He is sovereign. He reigns, and He is still LOVE.

Please pray with me for my friend Christa, and for this family during this intensely sad time.

i wish....i never had to hear bad news. i wish i never had to lose someone i love or watch someone else lose someone they love. i wish there weren't children starving, and soldiers dying, and people finding out they have cancer. i wish that there was no hurt or pain or suffering. But in this world, in this life, that is an impossibility. Trials will come. Hurt will happen. Loss in inevitable. That's all we're guarenteed. But i also know a God who is bigger than this world - who has overcome this world, who IS love. No matter what happens in this world, in this life - HE is enough for me. HE will see me through. HE will lift me up. And I will praise Him FOREVERMORE, because despite all the bad things that happen, he has saved me, i owe him my life. And he is worthy of my adoration. Because i know he loves me beyond what i can even fathom. And i know he can work things out for good - in ANY situation, because i have seen it time and time again.

Wishes are great - but faith is better. I don't have to wish...I know.

Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."